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  • Jenna Beall

Living Life on the Edge

This afternoon, I did something dangerous.

I visited HomeGoods.

Even riskier? It was pay day, which means I went with a false sense of wealth.

I was on a quest to find the perfect witch (preferably one with a yarn skirt) to sit on our mantel during the Halloween season.

(Meanwhile, my husband was on a Kroger quest, searching for the evening's dinner ingredients. Thank God one of us chooses more practical quests.)

Do you want to see what I bought at HomeGoods?

Spoiler alert! I didn't buy a witch with a yarn skirt!

First up? Dog toys!!!

I was holding up a peanut butter-filled Kong. Who do you think I am? Cesar Milan?

If you can resist a smiling avocado for your adorable dogs, good for you.

Next, I visited the fall décor section, which was so overwhelming yet incredible, I nearly turned into a pumpkin.

Don't get me wrong—there were a lot of witches. At least a dozen or so. But not a single witch was The One. I'll know when I see her.

In the meantime, I spent more time than I'd care to admit choosing a spooky-yet-sweet black cat for our mantel instead.

Isn't she perfect? I just adore the satisfied smile spread across her face. And her festive skirt...! With this sort of pizzazz, it makes you wonder if she was born to a feral litter of kittens on the set of Halloweentown.

I gathered a handful of birthday cards (only $1.99 each!) as well as three rolls of wrapping paper. Who wouldn't like a gift wrapped in illustrations of dogs drinking cocktails??? Only a crazy person, that's who!

And then finally, I found two embroidered pillows in the Clearance Section that I simply had to have.

If I send a picture to Adam, and he likes them, then I am definitely buying these, I bargained with my Inner Fashionista as I snapped a photo. Wouldn't these look so nice with our new rug?* I texted.

Go for it! was his automatic reply.

Such enthusiasm! I thought, plopping them into my cart, immensely pleased.

Except, as I waited in the forever-long checkout line, I realized just how much lint was stuck to my blue pillows.

I'm going to ask the HomeGoods associate for a discount on a pair of throw pillows, I bragged to my three friends via group message.

This is a lame thing to brag about, but considering I avoid any sort of confrontation, this was a BIG DEAL for me.

Cashier #3 was open. It was time.

"Um, these pillows sure have a lot of lint on them!" I began, gesturing towards the various fuzz.

"It will come off," the woman replied.

I swallowed. Now was my chance.

"Oh, great!!! Thanks!!!"


I then complimented her on the store's greeting card selection. She nodded vaguely as I imagine she has literally nothing to do with the greeting card selection.

I paid my $108 and lugged three very full bags to the parking lot, nearly taking out a Gen Z'er fresh from yoga class.

When I got home, I emptied my bounty, first presenting Gus and Dew with their new toys. Gus didn't care (he is more of a tennis ball guy), but Dewey was thrilled. Off he pranced with his avocado! What a cutie pie.

Then? I took out the sticky roll usually reserved for dog hair.

As it turns out, the HomeGoods cashier was right. The lint came off.

*We broke down and finally purchased two Ruggables, which are machine washable and going to make our lives with our punk dogs (really just one punk dog; his name begins with "D") way easier (and cleaner, too!).

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